Stifled

Saturday I went with the other teachers to Matsumoto to a beer (?) festival. The beer was ridiculously expensive—there was a mediocre beer for $6/400ml, but the others were $12/500ml or more. Some Japanese people sat next to us and we chatted with them for almost the whole time. The festival ended at 9, but we had a good enough time that we wanted to continue the night so we went to a sketchy bar afterwards. A few others joined us at that time and they were friendly but vulgar—I don’t mind a little bit of that from a person that I know well, but it makes a very negative first impression on me. We caught the last train home, and the hour and a half interim was more painful than fun.

On Sunday I didn’t do anything except climb at the gym. My favorite wall was occupied for most of the time, so I wore myself out a bit on the more difficult walls, but I did a couple of difficult red problems including one of my old favorites. Even so, I felt oddly dissatisfied in the end. I’m still quite sore though, which is kind of a nice sensation. Oh, but I punched one of the holds and now my left pointer finger occasionally gives me sharp pains. I managed to continue climbing for half an hour after doing so, but I think I’ll take an unplanned rest today in the hopes that it won’t be as painful next time I climb.

Yesterday I was extremely busy at the junior high school. It was a pretty good day, though. I really enjoy the 3-3 class, although I haven’t taught them much. In fact, I feel like the only classes I’ve taught very regularly are 1-3, 3-1, ishizue, open, and maybe 2-2. It's only my second week back, but maybe I'm getting used to the junior high school. Then again, I've avoided one teacher as much as possible, so maybe that's the solution.

I have had lots of thoughts about my purpose and direction, but they haven’t solidified into anything resembling a resolution or decision. Both Wyatt and Davide had dates on Sunday. This morning I was thinking about how if I went to Vietnam I could probably find a beautiful girlfriend quickly. It’s really appealing, aside from the fact that I don’t want to live in Vietnam long-term or speak Vietnamese.

I mentioned to mom and dad that I could possibly stay in Japan another year. Because of my investments, that is the most hassle-free and financially wise step to take, but I can’t even entertain it seriously. Right now I feel stifled in Japan, illogically. It’s not dissimilar to the feeling I got in the US after two years, and I suspect it will only get worse as the end of the school year draws near. I kind of wonder if I would get the same feeling from marrying someone, and therefore, to prepare myself for that, I should do my best to bear with it. I just looked up jobs and it seems like October is a good start date for Morocco.

Ugh, I've told myself several times that going back to Vietnam would be stupid, kind of like going back to college or high school, but it's still so appealing. Thinking back, Vietnam was the happiest part of my adult life, and if I could, I probably would go back to college regardless of how silly it might be.