Half year retrospect

I’m not sure that I have textual support for this assertion, but ever since I have felt the inevitability of adulthood, I have told myself that I will not be stuck in a rut. I need to always be moving forward, not just in time, but in wisdom, in knowledge, in skill, whatever. I’ve found, though, that life is very far indeed from a video game, in which you can see and feel the progress of the time you invest in something. Still, it is not impossible to make progress noticeable—I think it takes more deliberate effort and a stronger commitment to the cause, whatever it may be.

I began this entry with the intention of kicking myself for falling back into the same pit that I always do, bemoaning my lack of willpower. In the past, less and less as I progress in life, I have looked at people who work their jobs, feeling like a person with sight among blind people. Now it’s almost like I’ve put a blindfold on myself, and only take it off a couple of times a month. Isn’t that worse? Not to mention that this is an incredibly prideful way to look at things.

While that’s the kind of entry I set out to write, I think I will change tacks. I have accomplished a fair bit this year. I began working on my master’s degree, and I worked full-time while doing so for almost three months. I learned how to solve a Rubik’s cube. I built a wooden patio table. I studied Spanish consistently for two months. I read several interesting books, most notably a Clockwork Universe, but also three Shakespeare plays, two books about the periodic table, Pride and Prejudice, and a few others. I’ve done a lot of cooking. I’ve practiced the piano. I’ve reviewed most of the psalms that I memorized in the past.

For the rest of the year, I will finish the coursework for my master’s degree (all but student teaching). I will build a composting box(?). I will get some kind of part-time job to fill up the hours in between those things and cooking. Those are my only firm goals at the moment, so is it surprising that I don’t feel motivated? Woodworking has done me lots of good, but it’s so hot now that I really don’t want to spend much time on it. Mostly ditto with exercise, but I know it’s important to exercise. I need to make a goal for that where I can feel progress. I could try dancing again—I do enjoy it, but it’s discouraging when I’m perpetually doing it without putting real effort into improving. Okay, I’ll start with this goal—I will read my Spanish book instead of fanfiction tonight before I get sleepy, and tomorrow I will make a schedule like I was doing in May. I’m planning on cutting some wood too, if I wake up early enough. In that schedule, I’ll make time for goal-making. It will be a nice change of pace from schoolwork.